Messaging!
by Suki-Alanna
Summary: The Tortall gang meets IMing. Alanna has a stalker. Daine is convinced she's a wolf again. Crack
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Song of the Lioness**

**Tortall meets a chatroom!**

To: AlannatheLioness

From: Ilovethelioness

Dear Alanna,

I hope that you'll know..  
There's somebody out there,  
Somebody somewhere to show you the tenderness you need.  
Somebody to hold you when worries control you.  
I'd give anything if only you knew it was me.  
I wanna be there when you're in need.  
I would never be long if you were waiting,  
When you gonna see? If you could only see.  
There's somebody out there.  
Somebody somewhere to show you the tenderness you need.  
Somebody to hold you when worries control you  
I'd give anything if only you knew it was me

From,

Your Secret Admirer

To: Ilovethelioness

From: Alannathelioness

I'm married, you stalker!

To: KingJon

From: QueenPeerless

In case you care, Alanna has a stalker and Roger is alive. Jkjk (On the Roger thing, not the stalker?)

To: AlannatheLioness

From: RespectableRogue

What's this I hear from Jon about you having a stalker?

To: AlannatheLioness

From: KingJon

You have a stalker! Bu-ha-ha-ha!

To: QueenPeerless

From: AlannatheLioness

You need to learn how to keep your trap shut.

To: RespectableRogue

From: AlannatheLioness

It's nothing.

To: KingJon

From: AlannatheLioness

Shut up.

To: Ilovethelioness

From: AlannatheLioness

You are very troublesome.

To: AlannatheLioness

From: Ilovethelioness

I love you.

To: RespectableRogue

From: AlannatheLioness

It's just a schoolboy crush. (I hope)

To: AlannatheLioness

From: QueenPeerless

I'm sorry!

To: AlannatheLioness

From: KingJon

Lets all go search for Alanna's stalker. Bua-ha-ha-ha

To: KingJon

From: AlannatheLioness

You are a dead man as soon as I get back to Corus.

To: QueenPeerless

From: AlannatheLioness

Your husband's dead. I would be sorry if I hadn't killed him.

To: AlannatheLioness

From: KingJon

Ha! You failed! I'm in extensive care.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own SotL**

**AN: A review that I got today inspired me to finish this. :-) **

To: KingJon

From: QueenPeerless

I don't think that extensive care is really failing.

To: AlannatheLioness

From: RespectableRouge

What did you do to Jon this time Lass? *Sighs*

To: RespectableRogue

From: AlannatheLioness

Nothing much.

To: AlannatheLioness

From: RespectableRogue

Extensive care again?

To: RespectableRogue

From: AlannatheLioness

How'd you guess?

To: AlannatheLioness

From: RespectableRogue

Third time this month.

To: Public

From: Ilovethelioness

I love you Alanna!

To: ilovethelioness

From: AlannatheLioness

That's Sir Alanna, the Lioness of Pirate's Swoop and Olau, the King's Champion to you.

To: AlannatheLioness

From: Kingsrighthandman

You have a stalker! Bua-ha-ha-ha

To: Kingsrighthandman

From: AlannatheLioness

Shut up Gary.

To: commanderofthekingsown

From: kingsrighthandman

Did you hear that little Alanna has a stalker. George is pretty mad.

To: RespectableRogue

From: kingsrighthandman

I hear that your wifey has a stalker.

To: kingsrighthandman

From: RespectableRogue

I wouldn't let 'Lanna hear you call her 'My little wifey'. She'll kill you.

To: kingsrighthandman and RespectableRogue

From: AlannatheLioness

Damn straight. Now what's this 'little wifey' and 'Lanna business?

To AlannatheLioness

From: RespectableRogue

It wasn't me! I'm completely innocent!

To: RespectableRogue

From: AlannatheLioness

You were the one who started the 'Lanna business.

To: AlannatheLioness

From: RespectableRogue

Actually, that was Jon.

To: Public

From: AlannatheLioness

JON! MY NAME IS ALANNA. A-LA-NA! SAY IT! SAY IT!

To: AlannatheLioness

From: KingJon

'Lanna, what's wrong with you?

To: KingJon

From: AlannatheLioness

My name is Alanna. NOT 'LANNA.

To: AlannatheLioness

From: QueenPeerless

Is it okay if I call you Lan?

To: QueenPeerless

From: AlannatheLioness

Look at my face. Does it look okay? Now look at my sword on your neck. Does it look okay now?


	3. Chapter 3

To: AlannatheLioness

From: KingJon

I happen to like my wife…

To: Horsemistress

From: Storkman

Daine's barking.

To: Storkman

From: Horsemistress

What?

To: HorseMistress and Storkman

From: Badger

She thinks she's a wolf you idiots.

To: Badger

From: Storkman

She what!

To: AlannatheLioness

From: Storkman

I need to see you. Now.

To: Storkman

From: AlannatheLioness

Mithros Numair, can't it wait?

To: AlannatheLioness

From: Badger

Go to Daine's rooms. Immediately.

To: Public

From: Ilovethelioness

I 3 u Alanna! I don't care if you don't feel the same way! I'll wait!

To: Ilovethelioness

From: AlannatheLioness

I said, Sir Alanna the Lioness of Pirate's Swoop and Olau, the King's Champion. I don't even know who you are. Also, I'm married. Ever heard of it?

To: AlannatheLioness

From: Ilovethelioness

I'm not.

To: AlannatheLioness

From: WildMage

Awooooo

To: WildMage

From: AlannatheLioness

If you're a wolf, how do you use a computer?

To: AlannatheLioness

From: Lent

How do you use a computer? They haven't even been invented yet.

To: Lent

From: AlannatheLioness

Point.

To: AlannatheLioness

From: Storkman

I'm not a healer! What do I do!

To: Storkman

From: AlannatheLioness

Release her.

To: AlannatheLioness

From: Storkman

What!

To: Storkman

From: AlannatheLioness

I was taught that when a wild animal was healed, you were supposed to release it into the wild.

To: AlannatheLioness

From: Storkman

Are you crazy! I'm not letting her go!

To: Storkman

From: AlannatheLioness

Cruelty to animals…


End file.
